“So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.”

Sound familiar? A United States Army veteran wrote that, in a book about the elusive and capricious American Dream, called The Great Gatsby. You might have heard of it, or its author — none other than Minnesota native F. Scott Fitzgerald, second cousin of the very man who wrote America’s national anthem — Francis Scott Key.

In the literary masterwork about an immensely wealthy guy out on Long Island, and the less mysterious Tom and Daisy, the “green light” exists out of reach throughout, and for everyone. Many believe the emerald gleam represents the previously denoted American Dream, and the poor attempts by the story’s players to snatch it. Gatsby, of course, through transformation and the amassing of a giant fortune, and Tom and Daisy through a mangled, gilded route toward makeshift love.

Thing is, Fitzgerald wrote this coded, lush tale during the roaring 1920s, long before our current age of iPhones, Instagram and Amazon.

Today he, the proud U.S. military vet that he was, would figure out a way to corral that green light.

And not through the empty, hollow methods of Gatsby and the Gold Coast gang.

Through these easy, simple breaks any vet can take advantage of …

Eat really, really well

Every once in a while, treat yourself. To a big, juicy medium-rare steak. Don’t have to be Jay Gatsby to afford one of those. Especially when Omaha Steaks sells ’em cheaper to military vets. Mmm.

Take a fat, affordable vacation to somewhere pretty

If you think packing a bag is difficult, it’s not. What’s even easier is booking a trip to somewhere without pilfering your wallet. Annnnnd, if you’re a vet, once again, Expedia, Hotels.com and Hotwire has you covered.

Ever been to Las Vegas? It’s, um, freaking absurdly fun. Dreamy even. Do it up. And put a few shekels on black.

Get enormously HUGE (SWOLL)

Ever been to Bodybuilding.com? Mercy. Find an elixir there and then start pumping. It’s never too late to sculpt yourself into a golden god (or just someone who looks svelte and sexy at the beach).

Look dapper and dashing

Sure, it’s nice to feel comfy and strut to and fro from the coffeeshop wearing your elastics. But once in a while? It soothes the soul to look damn fine. Jockey and Columbia help military vets with that by not charging them as much as civilians (those links tell the whole story).

You can even do that champagne toast if you want. Just don’t forget to grab a carton of orange juice for the next morning.

Build a boat

Okay, so it doesn’t have to be a boat. Just sounded more adventurous. But build something — even if it’s just a little picture frame to hold a memory or two. Home Depot can help you get the stuff you need to make something lasting yourself.

If you make it from scratch it’s perfectly legal to brag about for months and even years afterward. We looked into it.

Fall in love

Okay, easier said than done. But do it anyway. A superb Leesa mattress is cheap (through that link  — for military veterans of course!) and it’ll surely help in this most romantic goal. Ahem.

 Have your own personal soundtrack

The dream will remain on the shelf if you don’t put a suitable melody to your existence. Silence may be golden in the library, but who goes to the library anymore? Especially for music. Get a Dell and stream your tunes like someone living in the 21st century. Bopping along to the beat of life will give you extra energy, starry eyes and — dare we say? — a dream.

Best Buy can help you with that too (both the computer and the music part).

Root!

Military vets know this. If you don’t root for somebody, for some team, then ugh. Terrible. Perhaps unAmerican, too?

Rock your red, white or blue and be proud. Don’t let the bullies bring you down. Flaunt your allegiance friends. You’ll be better off for it.

Give.

And you shall receive. Besides, nothing feels like you’re on cloud nine like seeing someone you love get instantly happy because they opened something you wrapped and it turned out to be a cigar or some chocolates or a nice watch or a *gulp* … diamond ring??

No comment.

•