If it’s a “B.S.” story you want to hear, well, press play, turn up the volume because it’s one helluva white whale-sized story you’re going to get from this imaginative gentleman. He’s like the Melville of out-of-shape fake combat veterans. A higher power reached down from the heavens and touched this man with the gift of illegitimate gab.

He was an Air Force pilot, an Army Ranger, a full bird colonel, blah blah blah …

You have to see it to believe it.

Anyway, the source — Guardian of Valor — has found that he might have been State Guard at some point, but even that’s under speculation.

The footage itself was filmed by an Army veteran and Washington state native, Jeremy O’Brien, who according to him, put this dude in his rightful place when he turned the camera off.