You most likely do not live in France. Or even Europe.

But after you hear what the man suspected of trying to massacre hundreds of people on a French train Friday had to say regarding the incident  (after he was stopped by a United States airman and a member of the Oregon National Guard) you’ll find it difficult not to book a flight to the fabled land of butter, philosophy and blurry art and personally beat the living tar out of Ayoub El-Khazzani and his “former” lawyer.

Here’s what the wannabe mass murderer put out there, according to The Independent out of the United Kingdom:

Ayoub El-Khazzani … is “dumbfounded” that he is being accused of terrorism and claims he found the AK-47 assault rifle “by chance”, [said his] his former lawyer.

Sophie David, a lawyer who was assigned to El-Khazzani when he was detained in Arras but is no longer representing him, said he denies firing a single shot.

Speaking to BFM-TV, David said: “He is dumbfounded that his act is being linked to terrorism,” adding that El-Khazzani describes himself as a homeless man.

“He says that by chance he found a suitcase with a weapon, with a telephone, hidden away,” she said.

“He said he found it in the park which is just next to the Midi Station in Brussels, where he often sleeps with other homeless people.”

Explaining what El-Khazzani claims he planned to do with the rifle, David said: “He planned to hold up the train, then shoot out a window and jump out to escape.”

He’s a bad liar. Not only is it believed that he has links to ISIS and radical Islam, but he was on something called the Schengen register: a “watch-list” for suspicious people that’s shared and updated by 27 European nations.