Tuesday was “Super Bowl Opening Night” in the San Francisco Bay Area, and with the championship for America’s most popular sport in the title, it’s no wonder it attracted a frenzy of journalists, feeding upon the chum that was the availability players on the two teams set to compete on the ultimate stage this Sunday evening.

One such intrepid reporter was SB Nation‘s mysterious swashbuckling PFT Commenter, who was unleashed on the fray with nothing but the lettuce flowing from underneath his trucker hat, cheap sugary booze, and a dozen or so questions for the players and coaches from Mrs. Joyce’s first grade class in Central Texas.

No surprise, a bunch of them were for Carolina Panthers’ star quarterback Cam Newton. One of them, which might or might not have been from a girl named “Abigail”, centered around an Islamic extremist terrorist organization based in Syria and Iraq.

Right before that, the football columnist lobbed another great question from the elementary school kids to the former Auburn University standout, which went a little something like this: besides the Carolina Panthers, which NFL team is your favorite?

Newton answered it much in the same way he did the ISIS question, unfortunately.