Hold on tight, because the demand for tinfoil is about to skyrocket.

Jade Helm 15 — yeah, that Jade Helm 15 — is going to kick off next week with a strict policy in place: no media will be allowed to cover it.

Before you get your underwear in a bunch, read this from the Washington Post:

Embedded reporters won’t be permitted at any point during the exercise, in which military officials say that secretive Special Operations troops will maneuver through private and publicly owned land in several southern states. Lt. Col. Mark Lastoria, a spokesman for Army Special Operations Command, said his organization is considering allowing a small number of journalists to view selected portions of the exercise later this summer, but nothing is finalized.

“All requests from the media for interviews and coverage of U.S. Army Special Operations Command personnel, organizations and events are assessed for feasibility and granted when and where possible,” Lastoria said in a statement released Wednesday to The Washington Post. “We are dedicated to communicating with the public, while balancing that against the application of operations security and other factors.”

The exercise is scheduled for July 15 through September 15 and is expected to include more than 1,200 troops. Army Special Operations Command announced the exercise in March, saying its size and scope would set it apart from most training exercises. For months, some protesters have said Jade Helm is setting the stage for future martial law. Those fears have been mocked by comedians such as Jon Stewart and others, and the U.S. military has tried to reassure people about the exercise.

Seriously though, what’s Texas Governor Greg Abbott going to do now? Send in the Marines!?

Oh, wait, the Marines are there. Training.

Maybe he’ll call the Ghostbusters? Or the Guardian Angels? Chuck Norris? Mike Tyson? The Pope? Does the Pope have a smartphone? Or just a landline? Why would anyone have a landline in this day and age?