If this stolen valor video was a poem, it’d be an epic.

Of course, it’s not at all, it’s just a guy talking out of his rear end about how he’s “chasing ISIS in Arizona” with the United States Army and how he’s been in the service since 1968 (which is over 40 years) and was even in a legendary Vietnam War battle that just so happens to be depicted in the Mel Gibson movie We Were Soldiers (la Drang).

All the while, the bogus soldier is wearing a Jungle Expert Patch where his unit patch should be and telling a couple of gentlemen (one of which is an ROTC student at Arizona State University and the one responsible for filming and posting this footage to YouTube) that he once helped thwart a nuclear attack on the U.S. and that Colin Powell is a personal friend of his.

Perhaps the most entertaining part is when one of the dudes behind the camera asks the phony what “stolen valor” is. The faker either pretends that he doesn’t know or genuinely answers it with the laughable response that it’s “kind of a laid back thing … you’re talking Green Beret, you’re talking Delta, you’re talking Navy SEALs …”

What!?

After a tiny explanation, he came to his senses and even explained that, in certain instances, it was a prosecutable offense. So, he knows of what he does … we think?

Because he’s then asked if he has a DD-214 in his wallet, to which he says he does, but that he only shows “to the FBI”, not even regular law enforcement.

It takes a while, but the documenters finally call him on his charade, and ask him for that prized documentation (to which he says he has 240 copies of back at home) …

One of the commenters on the original video may have summed up this bizarre clip perfectly:

The longest stolen valor video I’ve ever seen. This guy could sell you a bag of dog shit he talks so much