Everyone in the news media is lampooning this guy in DC who robbed a joint then, in the midst of his flee, jumped a fence alongside the Eisenhower Executive Office Building (which is technically part of the White House “facility”) and almost immediately got apprehended by Secret Service police officers.

(It actually caused the White House — with President Barack Obama inside — to go under lockdown for a little while on Tuesday while agents and canines swept the area around the complex)

But let’s look at this incident a little deeper. This alleged thief may not have been as simpleminded as a cursory perusal would lead one to believe.

He’s just committed a crime. He knows he’s just committed a crime. Even if he has a rudimentary understanding of how the justice system works, he knows that there are a few people with the power to forgive or “pardon” one’s offense, ostensibly erasing the possibility for penalty. One is the governor of the state one’s in.

The District of Columbia is neither a state nor has a governor.

The other is the PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. Who is — literally — right across the street from where he stole a bagel or some old lady’s purse (we’re not sure about the details of the crime as of yet).

The plan is crude but ultimately effective, should it reach its final stage. Run across the street. Hop the fence. Get into the White House. Find the POTUS. Ask for forgiveness. Get the pardon. Free man.

Hell, maybe Obama would even let him keep whatever he pilfered. Which is wishful thinking but this plan is uber “glass half full”.

Problem was, the plan never got past stage one, and an arrest was made. Game over.

This from the Associated Press:

Secret Service officers quickly detained the man, who hasn’t been identified publicly, but not before he suffered a cut to his finger. Doug Buchanan, a spokesman for the fire department in Washington, said emergency workers responded to help transport the man to a local hospital under police supervision to treat injuries to his hand.

Nothing in life is free. Not even the bandaid.