Turning water into wine is one thing. But turning an old statue into a high-ranking military officer? Now that would be a miracle.

Strangely enough, it was attempted a few days ago, on Christmas Eve, when a Guatemalan priest who preaches in the same house where a beloved effigy of Jesus Christ is stored told his parishioners that the graphic sculpture would, on January 3 of the new year, be promoted to a general in the nation’s army.

Even more absurd? It wasn’t the first time the statue, formerly known as “Jesús de la Merced”, has been given a military rank. In the 1800s, it was ordained an army colonel and paraded around the town in hopes it would cure the townspeople of cholera, which was a massive epidemic at the time.

Modernly, however, a few Guatemalan bigwigs stepped in and bludgeoned the priest’s proclamation to tiny pieces shortly thereafter his orotund oration.

One was the bishop presiding over the parish.

“Brothers and sisters, as I have said and repeated many times, nobody consulted me about ascending Jesús de la Merced to the rank of general in the army,” Archbishop Oscar Vian said.

The other, was a real flesh and blood high-ranking military officer. None other than the president of the entire country, Alejandro Maldonado.

“As armed forces commander general I have not sought to grant this symbolic rank to the religious symbol,” he said.

According to The Guardian, he stressed that “he would never sign one unless Roman Catholic authorities had given their approval.”

So, he’s saying … there’s a chance?