Blake Hall
Birdman don’t care. Birdman will fly. To that pearly white, perfect place in the sky. If you let him, your honor.
According to numerous Alaskan sources, a resident of America’s “Last Frontier” gave a huge, unintended laugh to a courtroom audience last week when he told the judge in his child support hearing that — in lieu of paying — he’d like his gavel-smacking head to send him straight to … heaven.
That’s right. Paradise. Zion. Valhalla. The shiny happy afterlife. You know, “upstairs”.
“Birdman”, in this instance, is Kevin Francis Ramey — a 57-year-old American and native of Togiak, Alaska. He was arrested in his hometown and flown to Dillingham to show up before the judge after not paying more than $84,000 in “back child support”.
Here’s the amazingly absurd thing he actually said to a man of justice wearing a robe on the bench (via The Daily Beast):
“[The law] says if you’re not a U.S. citizen you could be deported,” he said, according to KDLG-AM. “I know I have three citizenships: number one in heaven, number two in America, number three in California. And that’s my primary citizenship, is of course, in heaven. So I was kinda wondering, are you guys going to deport me to heaven?”
“That was a very legal question…I’m a citizen of heaven, the Bible tells us that,” Ramey [said] …“What are they gonna do, put me in front of a firing squad and deport me to heaven? No.”
Yeah, but … nevermind.
Looks like “Birdman” might be caged for a little while.
A former member of his town’s city council, he also heads up a “sovereign citizen organization” called the Sui Juris Court Angels. Somehow he believes, through the magic of the internet or his own displaced feeling of entitlement, that the state lacks the authority to charge him for failing to pay what he owes the mother of his child(ren) through the letter of the law.
“I’ve been fighting for 20 years to make sure the state doesn’t do to my boys what they did to me,” he said. “That’s the best support I can give them. [The state] has taken from me everything I own.”