Blake Hall
If you’re wondering if people are becoming more or less reasonable these days, check out how these unruly parents ruined Easter at an Easter egg hunt at the Pez Visitor Center in Connecticut this past weekend. You immediately must have wondered: how would a military veteran fix unruly easter egg hunts?
How a Veteran Does It – Controlling an Easter Egg Hunt
Pre-Brief
Upon arrival, all parents would need to attend a pre-brief about the day’s activities. Failure to attend any part of the four-stage briefing and accompanying 238-slide powerpoint will result in immediate dismissal.
Staging and Walk-Through
Parents and children will then be assigned squads, platoons, companies, battalions, regiments and brigades. The egg hunt fields will be sectioned off and labelled with designated ‘hunting’ zones for each unit.
All participants will board buses borrowed from the nearest National Guard base and travel 4.5 hours to practice fields. Everyone will participate in five short walkthroughs and two full-scale rehearsals over the course of two weeks.
Roles, Responsibility, and Accountability
Parents and children showing initiative and natural leadership will be given arm bands and pastel-colored hats to wear for the egg hunt. Others should rely on them for anything and everything they need.
Everyone is responsible for ensuring that all children receive the same number of eggs and nobody leaves their designated zone. Stealing eggs, screaming or pushing a child will result in non-judicial punishment. Non-judicial punishments will range from small fines to forfeiture of parental rights. Nobody will leave their designated zone because of the bombs.
Unexploded Ordnance
Between each field, a number of small signs will indicate that there may be landmines or unexploded ordnance anywhere they aren’t supposed to go. Parents are encouraged to act like responsible adults, be respectful of others and control their children and themselves. Finally, remind everyone they are having a good time!
DISCLAIMER: Whether you choose to use any actual landmines or ordinance is your decision, but a sign is usually sufficient to stop people from going where you don’t want them to go.