Okay, so we’re being subversive/trolling the bassoon establishment by calling its beloved woodwind instrument a “giant clarinet”. We are. Because while both are in the same family of puffy sound makers — double-reeded aerophones with keys — they’re entirely unique.

It’s true that bassoons are bigger.

Pictured below, is a man with bassoon:

bassoon for scale

Here, the greatest clarinetist to ever live, Sidney Bechet (with — you guessed it! a clarinet):

Sidney_Bechet,_Freddie_Moore,_Lloyd_Phillips_(Gottlieb_00521)

But, that’s not the only difference. Their range differs, as well as their price — a facet recently publicized in Canadian Navy’s procurement portal, which listed a request titled “Bassoon Musical Instrument” for their Stadacona band … for upwards of $40,000 (how many loonies is that?)

Here’s a link to the request.

“The Department of National Defence [sic] has a requirement for one (1) Benson Bell Bassoon Musical Instrument,” says the listing.

Benson Bell is a company based in Ontario, and makes musical instruments that aren’t cheap.

What’s particularly about this procurement though, is that it can’t be bid on. It’s a done deal. They’re buying a Benson Bell (“Dude, you’re getting a Benson Bell!”) and that’s all there is to it.

This from Motherboard:

 … in case you were thinking of jumping at the chance to supply the government with your own artisanal bassoon, you’ll have to look elsewhere. Usually, the government gives multiple vendors the chance to bid on tenders, but in this case, Bell Bassoons has been chosen as the pre-identified provider—mostly because the bassoon in question “has been identified as a perfect match for the musician’s hands and physical makeup.”

Sources say it’s a damn fine bassoon and that’s all find and good and dandy. More importantly, however, can it play any Rush?