A dude wears graphic hot sauce tees — sometimes the Vincent Vega black tie with white dress shirt special — calmly and nonviolently robs banks over the course of a year, uses a notorious black motorcycle for his getaway and … he’s a United States Army vet.

Allegedly.

We swear on everything that’s holy that this isn’t the gist of a dusty-jacketed Hollywood screenplay. Rather, it’s a true account of real life, via the blotter, that just so happened to go down in the glitzy shadow of Tinseltown.

Well, kind of. San Diego to be exact. A fitting setting for a tale so delicious and juicy it would make Ron Burgundy blush.

Here’s a short snippet (via a local news station) of what the suspected “Hipster Bandit”, William Robertson, was charged with, and what he got away with until an FBI tip finally introduced his hands to a pair of cuffs.